I try to follow a writing process. One, write. It doesn’t matter if anything is wrong or jumbled, just get it written. Two, organize, edit, and make sure I explain my day without getting too personal. Three, reread and post. It’s that simple. Most posts take around 30 minutes. There are some days that I am not that meticulous. Today is one of those days. It’s really late.
Pre 100 Days me would say, “I had a bad day today.” I am still tempted to start with that.
I had a difficult and challenging day today. That’s better.
Not every day is as awesome as I want it to be. 100 Days of Awesome is not just about how great everything is. It is also about the struggles I have when trying to make the most of each day.
For the last 4 1/2 days I have renovated and worked on my place. The plan was 3 days tops. Even now, as I lie in my bed, there is an old bunk bed in 4 pieces to my left and 6 or 7 empty furniture boxes to my right. The kitchen is a disaster, the dining room is still filled with furniture and clothes, the fridge is almost empty, and one bedroom is still not completed. My home looks and feels like chaos.
Today’s plan was to run, assemble both new beds, put all the furniture back, and do some cleaning. Everything was to be done today. Instead I slept really late, exhausted from the physical activity I had on day 22. I was in catch-up mode from then on. No time for running… just get the stuff done! My head was everywhere except in the present.
My oldest was also very upset. I had to make a judgment call yesterday and decide whether to get her the new bed, but with the wrong color, or wait 2-3 weeks and get the color she liked. I decided to get her the wrong color rather than go through putting all her old stuff back in her room, waiting three weeks, then taking it all out again, getting the truck for a second time, and making another trip to Ikea. To be clear, I did try to call her and ask if I should wait or not. She didn’t answer though. Well, holy hell broke loose when she saw the color this morning. I simply forgot to tell her yesterday.
Now, she is not normally like this and is actually very easy-going. She is also starting to get older…aka changes. I just didn’t know how to deal with it. The chaos I felt from a house that looked recently carpet bombed, my brain whirling like an out of control rusty carnival ride, coupled with her sobbing in the bathroom, fried my brain. Exhausted and feeling low, I did my best to talk with her without getting upset. It was really tough, but I think I handled it well. After that I was in another world. Nothing felt right and it continued for most of the day.
I did manage to get ahold of myself in the evening. A little quiet time to stop and assess the situation can really help. I am just disappointed that I waited so long before I did something. I just feel exhausted. There is no question I have done too much without resting enough.
So what can I learn from today? It’s 12.40 am and I am not sure I can analyze it too much. The best I can do is… Listen to my body… Listen to what I need. Rest. It will get done eventually. And, when I make high expectations of myself, it isn’t always going to turn out the way I want it to. It’s kind of like a prom or a wedding that’s been thought about too much. We create an image in our heads of how it will be and end up being disappointed when it doesn’t end up that way. I have known that for a long time, but somehow I let it all get away from me today.
So yes, I did do much of what I planned. And yes, I lived today. I just didn’t live it the way I wanted to. I am still thankful knowing that the struggles I face are nothing compared to what most of the world deals with.
I am going to stop thinking about it now.
Time to forgive myself, get some rest, and try again tomorrow. Forward!