I am going to come right out and say that this week hasn’t been the best for me. From putting hydrogen peroxide in my eyes, to missing my morning alarm, to just feeling crappy in general.
I took a run on Monday and felt great, but not the usual great. I didn’t feel the zip that I usually got from burning some energy. I guess you could say I was in a funk. On Tuesday, I was looking at myself in the mirror, trying to make eye contact and figure out why I felt so shitty. So, what did genius decide to do? Well, I shaved my head. I got sick of my hair, sick of fixing it every morning, and shaved it all off. I felt like I wanted some major change, to break free from…something. Why? I don’t know. Maybe it was the constant rain we were getting. Maybe it was the daily, everyday grind. Whatever it was, it turned out to have been a good choice.
The next day at the school, my head drew lots of attention. It didn’t stop the day after either. My head was rubbed over and over, by colleagues and students. At first I would say,”Yes, I cut my hair. ” The second and third time as well. The sheer (get it?) amount of people who noticed I had cut my hair was overwhelming. I couldn’t step into any room without someone saying something. Don’t get me wrong, it was never mean. It’s just that, despite liking to teach, and working with the people I do, I am shy. Yes, you read that correctly, shy. It became unnerving. But, while driving home today, still regretting the buzz cut, I realized that all those people felt comfortable enough to joke with me and rub my head. It’s like a family. I thought, “How fortunate am I to have found a place, so far away from where I was born and grew up, that is my home as well.” I was immediately filled with a warm, safe feeling. I went from the dumps to gratitude in one short drive.
I had another major funk breaker when I Facetimed a friend back home on Wednesday. We chatted for over and hour about anything and everything. By the time we said goodbye, I felt a tinge of excitement and hope again. Sometimes it’s good to just talk and let it all out. Sometimes the person you talk to comes up with better ways of looking at things. Sometimes they give you ideas. I was lucky to get it all. One idea was to look back at some of my first writings here to see if I noticed anything, to reflect on where I was, and where I am today. So, I went back and looked. What did I find? Holy shit. I have grown. I am feeling better. Life is better.
That’s some good stuff.
I lived today. It was awesome.