Days 77-81: Here Comes the Sun

slow-progress

 

Everything takes time. I am not losing weight really quickly. I am not just suddenly calm in my mind. My life isn’t suddenly in order. Everything takes time. Keeping track of it, focusing on it, and working each day is what is making the difference. I run out of patience, sometimes, and have to repeat to myself  that everything doesn’t happen over night. Good things take work and time.

May and June are extremely busy months and I have made progress and have had many setbacks. The setbacks have been really tough. Many of them are too personal to share on this website. Let’s just say, I have had some days where the tears are rolling down my face and I have to wipe them off, put on my “game face” and get back to life. I can be extremely hard on myself and need to stop it! Last night, just to feel a little better,  I had remind myself how much I have accomplished in my life, the things I have had to endure, and that I am still here on this earth and more fortunate than most.

First, the setbacks I will share. Time is limited for me now. There are so many things I “have” to do that finding the time has been a challenge. I have been lucky enough to have had people around who have helped me. I have friends that drive the kids to soccer practice and games. I have also had friends who have watched the kids for me so I get a moment to breathe. That I am thankful for. What I have noticed, when I am feeling the pressure and stress, is that I like to eat more than I should. Now, I don’t binge on chocolate and cake. I tend to side with raiding the refrigerator for leftover meals. That has been a struggle for me, especially at night.

The progress. My mind is a chaotic mess when there is so much to do. I have been actively working on meditation, twice a day, for the last couple weeks. It’s really difficult. It takes time and patience. It is helping to calm my mind. The jogging is going well too. I can run 4 kilometers now, no problem. June will get me to my goal of 5.

So what have I learned?

1. Set a time to build a habit. I know most people don’t like running in the morning, but I always have time at the beginning of the day. Starting the day with a good run also boosts my mood. Meditation is the same thing. I do it when I wake up and close to bedtime.

2. Be patient! 

3. Stop being so damn hard on myself!

4, Keep moving forward!

Some days/weeks/months can be a challenge. I need to accept it and roll with it.

I am living. 

My favorite version of this song. Cheers me up all the time. Sorry for the Spanish subtitles.

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Found Video 2006

Screenshot 2015-04-27 18.11.28

 

I finally got into my old computer. I found tons of old pictures and videos, including this gem from 2006. Almost ten years ago! I believe, if memory serves me,  I had just watched Blue Velvet  and was feeling inspired from the Dance Scene.  It was in celebration of No Pants Day, an old holiday I am not sure is around anymore. I think it made it to the front page of the official No Pants Day website.

nopantsbigger from E B on Vimeo.

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Day 22: Ikea, The video.

Screenshot 2015-03-31 00.58.34

Geez, it’s 11:30. I am in a slight haze right now.

Today, at around 7 in the evening, I raised my arms in the air and cheered. I got stuff done! I am damn proud of myself. It feels good to have made things nicer for my kids. Their rooms are much, much nicer. It also feels good having fulfilled a promise I made to them months ago.  I want them to like their rooms, their space. All that is left is to assemble the beds and move the rest of their stuff back in.They can do a lot of that.

Actually, I could do more, but have dedicated  the rest of vacation to me. Yes, 100 Days of Awesome is little about being selfish. I deserve it. I haven’t thought of myself enough for 11 years. I also know, if I don’t return to peace, health, and happiness, I will become someone I don’t want to be. Plant seeds and grow your garden. If you don’t, weeds will grow instead. 

IKEA. Some like it, some hate it. I like a lot of their stuff, but the place is a maze, purposely, and can send my brain into complete meltdown. I needed to pick up new loft beds for the girls to give them more space in their rooms. I thought, “Why not record the trip?  The whole trip, there and back, and all the way up the million uneven stairs of this old house, was about 3 hours.

Here’s the video 20 times the normal speed (8 times the speed would have been perfect but the video would have been more than twice the length) .  Feel free to watch.. or don’t. It won’t hurt my feelings. If you do,  I recommend sitting back, using full screen, and keeping away anyone who may have seizures. It’s not my best in any way, but I do like the music… and the ending… 

The cool part is I had fun. I was in the moment.  It was the best trip I have ever had to IKEA. What you don’t see in the video is that everyone working there was really, really cool. There have been times I have been there that the employees  looked like they had just been given a colectomy.  Not today.

On a side note, as I was editing and adding music, I saw an old video I made last spring. I can’t believe that it is me in it. I was so much bigger! Not just bigger, but swollen, like I had been pumped full of steroids.   I was so stressed back then.  I am not trying to focus on weight, but I really do look healthier and lighter now. That really gave me a good feeling. 

 

I did not run this morning because I knew I would be quite physical today. I was correct. Going to run in the morning before the beds get put together.

Later muchachos! It’s 12:30 in the morning! I had a great day today and worked hard.

I lived today and made my life better. Not just for me, but for my kids as well. That is awesome. 

 

 

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Day 19: Breaks in the Routine

kemcoFWI woke to another day of not running. It freaks me out a little. I don’t want to break the routine.  I want to get out there again. Idiot snow. No matter how bad it is tomorrow, and even though it is the weekend and vacation, I am getting up and going. Sunday too.

Speaking of vacation, I am a little concerned.  When things change, and I have less to do, I can get antsy. It’s been like that for years. I prepared this time. I made a list and have personal goals for the entire vacation. Some of those days are to do nothing. Others, I am going to practice exactly what I have done for the last 18 days. Mindfulness, meditation, exercise, writing more, reading, and recognize when I need to rest.

One major project starts tomorrow. I am redoing both of my daughters’ rooms. New beds, painting, fixing up the windows. Everything will be done by Monday. I am also going to melt into the couch in the evenings and watch some Netflix shows I have wanted to see for a while, including one recommend to me today. Lastly, I am going to get out and visit some friends.

In other news, a friend from back in Buffalo has nominated herself as the official 100 Days of Awesome cheerleader. I get random messages throughout the day. It’s awesome. Just got this one a second ago.

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She is too funny!

I also met a very cool person today who has visited Buffalo, went to a Sabres game and knows someone from there. So freakin’ cool.

I think, the more you grow and what you have inside, attracts people and moments that fit you for where you are. I like that. The world we create inside creates our world on the outside. It presents us with new opportunities when we are ready for them. 

I can already say that when the 100 days are over, I am going for another 100. This is too good to ever stop. 

Hope everyone enjoys their day.

I lived today.  It had its challenges. It had new experiences and people in it. 

Today was awesome. I feel great. I am here. 

Listened to this as I finished writing. Never get tired of it.

 

…and one more. It’s Friday after all.

 

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If I Could Show You One Video…

I believe everyone should watch this video.

I hold a great fondness for the, now deceased, writer David Foster Wallace.

In 2005, at Kenyon College, he gave a commencement speech. I was lucky enough to have stumbled upon it not long after. Recently, someone made a short video using part of the speech.

I watch it often. I need to remind myself that this is water.

 

This is Water from Patrick Buckley on Vimeo.

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Day 11: Back in the Saddle!

Listen to your body. If you are tired, I mean really tired, sleep. Yesterday I slept almost 12 hours. My body needed it. Why? I have no idea. All I know was I was having difficulty functioning and needed to rest. I feel 100 times better today.

This morning I made up for yesterday’s missed run. I will admit that it was not easy, as this video shows. You see, last night I promised myself to make a video of what it is like when I wake up. I wanted to show just how hard it can be for me in the morning. I am sure it’s not just me either. There is no acting involved, though I did add some music before publishing the video. If this guy can do it, so can you. 

 

Right after I made the video I saw that I had a message. It was from an awesome friend, back in the States, telling me to keep going. This is what got my ass up out of bed. I actually had a small amount of inspired tears (don’t tell anyone! I need to maintain my manly persona.) as I started down the road, “Blue Sky” from the Allman Brothers playing in my ears. It’s good to get it out sometimes.

It’s a struggle to run but, when I am finally out there, it gets easier. I ALWAYS feel better afterwards. Watching the sunrise is a bonus.

Running was one of the main goals to start 100 Days. It’s not the only thing I plan on doing, but it really gives me a boost throughout the day. The trick to making this project work is taking small bites instead of trying to do too much at once. Small obtainable goals become habits and new challenges follow.

I can also add writing, mindfulness, and laughing, quite a few times, to the day.

It’s close to the end of Day 11 and I can see growth, outside and in. I see it. I feel it. I am living better each day. It was an awesome day.

I was here today. I lived.

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